Marriage is a life contract, I guess most people don’t know this and that’s why we have so many divorce flying around. I can’t help but wonder if those two people get to know each other at all before getting married because, you will just listen to the reason for some broken homes and all you will do is just laugh. We are so much engrossed in the marriage fantasy that we didn’t pay much attention to the real details.
Some couples see marriage as the beginning of a journey during which they will come to better know and love each other every day. Others prefer to have a clearer view of the path on which they are about to embark and I’ll consider them the wise ones. Toward that goal, couples should take the time to explore some basic issues which will confront nearly all married couples. It’s true if you say that you can’t know everything about your spouse but something about character is that it can’t be hidden. You will surely have a glimpse of what he or she is but we don’t even pay attention to those.
These are some of the more important issues you should trash out and discuss with your spouse before planning marriage.
Before Marriage You Should Talk About:
1. Money and Finances
Financial issues are a leading cause of divorce. People about to join their lives should discuss if and how they will join their finances. Spending habits and the existence of current debt should be disclosed. Disclosure of all financial accounts is a must. Keeping a secret bank account is sure way to deal a serious blow to the marriage once the account is discovered. Couples should determine if they will share joint bank accounts and whether income from all sources will be combined.
Other important issues include how much each might contribute financially to the purchase of a home or car, whether retirement accounts will be established and how each views saving, investing and long-term financial goals. Feelings about lending money to family members, living within a set monthly budget and how much debt is acceptable are also worthy of conversation
2. Children and Parenting
You might wonder how a couple about to be married could avoid discussing this issue, yet discussion is often replaced by assumption only to find a couple struggling with major differences in views a few years into the marriage. Couples should discuss the number of children they envision having and what specific circumstances should exist before starting a family. How might financial stability and career choices impact family expansion? If health issues prevent pregnancy, would adoption be a viable alternative?
Parenting styles are often based on a person’s own upbringing, and spouses may bring completely different experiences to the marriage. As such, exploring a few basic topics about child raising makes sense. After a child arrives, will one person become a full time stay-at home parent? Will use of daycare while both parents work be acceptable? Will discipline be enforced as a team or, primarily, by one parent?
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3. Sex
Our views of sex and sexuality are shaped long before we commit to marriage. It’s crucial to get comfortable with this topic of conversation, because it’s one that you’ll carry on for the rest of your married life. What are your views of sexuality?, and how have they been shaped? What is your past sexual history and how might that impact your relationship? What expectations do you have and are you on the same page? Understanding your sexual views and knowing your partners own is a valuable part of preparing for intimacy.
4. The In-Laws
Each party to a marriage typically becomes part of a newly expanded family. This creates plenty of new relationships to navigate and potential new obligations. Couples should discuss how much interaction with their own family members they anticipate after the marriage.
Will in-laws expect attendance at certain holidays and occasions? Will you expect your spouse to take part in your family’s traditions or will you start new traditions to celebrate events? Will vacations be shared with a spouse’s family? Consider what obligations may arise to help provide care for aging parents.
5. Future Residential Plans
Career choices can lead to frequent changes of locale. Particularly when you and your partner were raised in different geographic regions, it would be prudent to discuss where you see yourselves living once the choice is entirely yours.
Don’t simply presume that because you spent your youth on the west coast that a spouse raised in the north will naturally be agreeable to settle down thousands of miles from family. Remaining flexible on location is great. Just be sure you’re both on the same page.
Conclusion
it’s better to have those discussion now before it’s too late because those small and little things matters a whole lot and they will definitely save your marriage.
