Loving him part 1

Loving a guy is what I have always dreaded doing. I didn’t know why but I just don’t want to fall in love with any man. This was the mentality or should I say the ideology I had growing up.

When I started advancing in age, I started discovering many things that love could help one do; when one finds the true or real love. Then I started wishing to fall in love. Even if it means falling helplessly in love. I wanted to be in love so badly that I neglected the signs that he showed me when he first approached me. The signs were very clear. I knew within me that he doesn’t love me. But I kept up with everything, telling myself that ‘this is love’. He was the sweetest thing that happened to me when we first started.

In the beginning of our love story, there was always flowers at my door steps every morning. Each time he slept over at my place, he would make me breakfast on bed. He would shower me with gifts. And treat me so well. He worships the sand I stepped on. Everything was so perfect. Or should I say that everything seemed so perfect. He learnt my mood swings and learnt how to handle me each time I swings to any mood. He made my friends his friends. And my family members, he loved talking to them on phone.

I couldn’t wish for anyone else but him. He was the perfect guy. My ticket to the world of ecstasy. These were all he used to do until I accepted to date him.

Everything gradually started changing. I started doubting if he was the same person that I had met. He no longer decorated my door step with bouquet of flowers. He no longer cuddles me after sex. He suspects my every move. (This was the guy that would allow me press my phone until late at night and he wouldn’t mind) I guess he has also forgotten that he was the first man I knew. I begged to know his family members and his best friends but I kept receiving promises of seeing them in the future. With his usual saying “I don’t want to rush things”.

I started wondering what had happened to him. What had happened to all that sweetness, all those love and romantic life? He is always away, either with friends or doing one business or another. He hardly calls nor sends me text messages. He doesn’t even care about sending me gifts again. Even when I ask for gifts, he will promise to buy but will never do so. I found myself having sex with him like a prostitute. Like a slave who is always at the beck and call of her master. There was no longer romance or even fore play before love making. Everything was gradually dying: The communication, attention, care, and the love.

I approached him one day, and ‘I told him he has changed and things weren’t working out fine with us.’ He apologized and promised to be a better person. I waited to see a new leaf but instead I kept seeing the old leaf that was withering. I gradually started losing interest. And that was when everything started falling apart. I started seeking attention, love, care and communication in another man’s hands and I was getting them. He didn’t even notice how far gone I was. He didn’t even notice that I stopped giving him any attention.

When I started with this new guy, pangs of guilt always gushed down my heart. I tried very hard to stay away from him and not fall a prey again but I couldn’t help it. When my boyfriend didn’t notice that my attention was no longer with him. That was when I decided to follow the new guy.

The new guy started off like him. Being sweet and lovely. Caring and kind. Romantic and very satisfying in bed. The new one had an advantage over my boyfriend. He was very tall and handsome. His body was fully built with muscles and six packs and a flat stomach. I used to tease him and say “the day God created you was when he made that statement ‘let’s make man in our own image’ not like other ugly guys that only the angels who were still under apprenticeship made” and he would let out peals of laughter. His dark brown eyes, with his round and very small lips was the most attractive part of his body. It could make any woman fall for him or even get wet at a mere look. Whenever he smiles, his face glows like the morning sun. No wonder it didn’t take me much time to fall for him than I expected. Gifts and flowers, I never lacked but only when my boyfriend wasn’t around. I told him I had someone, and he understood and accepted. He only visits me when my boyfriend isn’t around. And only sends me gifts and flowers when he isn’t around as well.

The new guy was different, or so I thought. He made me happy each time he visited. I didn’t feel like a whore whenever we made love. He knew how to touch me and where to do so too. I was beginning to think that he was the right one sent directly from heaven to come and wipe my tears away. I started considering opting out of the first relationship to be with the new guy, until that day.

Loving Him Part 2