WHY I AM STILL A VIRGIN AT 30

Dear Ella, People may have their own different reasons for taking the purity pledge but here is mine. I want to tell you the story of my life. Why I am still a virgin even at 30.

I started living with my aunty when I was 7 years old, because my parents couldn’t afford to train me in school. My aunty; who is my mother’s younger sister was wealthier than my mother and she was willing to accept me in her home to help look after her children and to do the house chores.

When she visited us we were all happy because she bought me and my siblings’ lots of things. She was our favorite aunty. She continued being good to us until I went to live with them in the city.

Her house was very beautiful, more than the hut we lived in, in the village. We were very poor that we lived in a hut with a thatch roof.

The first week of my arrival was a living hell for me. My aunty made life very difficult that I wondered if she was on a revenge mission. Because she changed from the person she used to be into someone I didn’t know. She would beat me for a minor mistake. She and her husband always took turns in beating me. “Whenever I see you, I would show you the marks she inflicted on my body; they are still there till date”.

She trained me in school but I wasn’t allowed to waste a single minute after school dismissal because that would result to more beating and eating only dry bread crumbs with water and also sleeping under the stairs without any mattress or even cloth.

The maltreatment continued and when my mother came visiting, I went to her and cried for her to take me with her whenever she wants to return to the village. I told my mother that I was willing to suffer with them but all I wanted was to just go back with her. She promised to take me with her. But when I woke up the next day, my mother was gone. She had tricked me into believing that she will take me with her. Then I realized that I was alone in this world. The maltreatment continued but I had already made up my mind to face anything that comes my way.

One day, after school I couldn’t rush home like I used to because my body was in pains; I had started seeing my menses. When I got home, my aunty and her husband were already waiting for me with canes in their hands. They didn’t even allow me to explain. They descended on me and while beating me, my aunty called me a prostitute. In her own words she said “you prostitute! At this age you have started following men up and down. You good for nothing girl. You are very useless. Prostitute like you! Very soon you will carry unwanted pregnancy”.

I didn’t know which pain was much. The pain from the beating or the pain from her words. Those words felt like  snake venom. That night I couldn’t sleep. I swore to not let any man deflower me until marriage. I swore to be very successful through hard work.

I stayed three more years with her. When I completed my high school. I told her I wanted to go home but she refused. One day, I ran away from her home into the streets. I slept under the bridge for three days before a relative saw me and took me in, and later called my aunty to let her know that I was with her; because she had circulated the news of my disappearance. I refused going back to her house and the relative took me straight to the village.

It was until Christmas that my aunty came back to the village and gave my parents little foodstuffs and a wrapper she bought for my mother. My mother called her out and asked what she was going to give me as  settlement for staying 10 years with her, slaving for her. My aunty looked at her, hissed and walked away.

My mother couldn’t believe her eyes. She never communicated with my aunty again.

I later left the village with my friend who had recently gotten an admission into a university. I went to stay with her to see if I could do any menial job to fetch me money. When I got there, I learnt about a foreign language that was taught in that school. I worked and then registered for the language course. Two years later, I got a scholarship to go and study abroad.

After my bachelor’s degree, I started working in that country. I am wealthy now and so are my parents and siblings. My aunty and her husband are facing  hard time now because: her daughter got pregnant for a hoodlum and her husband’s business isn’t going well again. I plan to help them when I return for Christmas.

I am actually grateful to my aunty for making me take that decision at that time, because it really helped me to be focused and have a goal which is to be a virgin and to be wealthy. Not that men weren’t coming for me or I haven’t being in any relationship but I tried explaining to any guy that wanted to be in a relationship, ‘that sex won’t be part of the relationship’.

I am 30 years old now and still a virgin, hoping to get married next year.

My reason for sharing this story is “for people to learn to treat others with kindness. That you are wealthy today doesn’t mean you will still be wealthy tomorrow. Nobody knows tomorrow.”

Thanks for sharing my story. I hope people learn from it.

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