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Does virginity mean holiness? Or let me make it easier does being a virgin make one holy? NO. This is my answer, you can leave your own answer in the comment section below. Many people mistake virginity for holiness but they are two different thing. Virginity according to oxford dictionary means the condition or quality of being a virgin.

“Virgin means a person who has never had sex”.

“Holiness means the quality of being holy”. “Holy means dedicated or consecrated to God or a religious purpose; sacred”.

From the above definitions, the two words has different meaning. So why do people automatically regard virgins as being holy? Keeping one’s virginity for a very long period of time isn’t an easy task or decision to make because, it comes with a lot of temptation. It’s one thing to feel like having sex and it’s another thing to be able to resist it at the same time. It’s such a strong battle that can either be won or lost but, it boils down to ‘Determination’. It takes a determined individual to abstain from sex or strongly fight their sexual urge especially, during ‘Adulthood’…I really appreciate and give accolades to those that are still virgins. It is not easy, I would admit.

But again, being a virgin is a choice. A man or woman may decide to keep himself or herself for reasonable reasons best known to them. They might decide to keep it because:

1) They want to be deflowered by their future spouse.

2) They’re not yet ready to feel pain in their sexual organs or go through the stress that comes with it during the process, ‘as they assume’.

3) They’re obeying religious/traditional law.

4) They’re just being too careful, they don’t want to give what they consider as a ‘precious gift’ to the wrong person.

5) They’re not fully ready to be deflowered; sometimes it might be fear of sexual intimacy (Genophobia).

6) Some health issues can also make an individual lose interest in sex completely, Example is the female Genital Mutilation…In a case whereby the mutilation wasn’t carried out properly on the girl child, and it affect her sexual organs, hormones and sexual urge entirely. She begins to see sex as being absurd.

For me being a virgin doesn’t mean the person is holy (virgin here refers to both genders). Being a virgin doesn’t determine a person’s holy state. Because a virgin can have bad character. A virgin might not be obeying the commandments of God. A person can be a virgin and still tell lies, steal, murder or even snitch on people….If there are one thousand ways to stay holy, being a virgin is just one out of the thousand. Abstaining from sex isn’t the only Commandment God gave to the world, there are other ways people’s faith are being put to test aside sexual practices.

Some people refer to themselves as virgins because they haven’t being penetrated or haven’t penetrated anyone before; but does other kinds of sexual activities like: blowjob, masturbation, cunnilingus, kissing etc. Now, this makes me to ask a question “does it mean that all those sexual activities are not sin?” I will leave you to ponder on it.

There are two reasons why I decided to write on this topic:

  1. Virginity is a criteria for marriage
  2. Virginity is seen as being holy

                                             VIRGINITY IS A CRITERIA FOR MARRIAGE

Some men have set standards to only get married to a virgin girl. Because to them, a virgin girl is an obedient child. A girl without sin. Forgetting that the age we are in, anyone can be a virgin again (deceptive virgin).

I once met a man that wanted to marry me but said if I wasn’t a virgin or rather if after our marriage he discovers that I am not a virgin, he would divorce me. His reason being that his friend married a virgin and so he too must get married to a virgin. He wants to marry a virgin but he is not a virgin. Virginity doesn’t mean a girl will be good in marriage, a girl will be submissive and humble in marriage, a girl has a good character and a girl can keep a home.

During the days of our fore-fathers, it is said that when you marry a woman as a virgin, it comes with a whole lot of fortunes and it implies that the woman is pure and well- trained by her parents. And those that got deflowered before marriage were considered to be wayward or sinners, they were being punished for going against the traditions of the Land. But nowadays, with the constant changes and civilization of this modern society, people don’t have such mindset any more. We no longer judge people based on their sexual status. Not because we no longer value our cultural norms but because we consider most of the practices (beliefs) as being FETISH.

Virginity is good but shouldn’t be the major criteria for marriage. I have seen people who ended up not being married because they were looking for virgins. How can you be looking for a virgin when you are not one yourself? Any girl or boy that tends to keep his or her virginity till marriage should be respected and honored but that doesn’t mean that those who lost theirs due to some circumstances shouldn’t be respected and honored. This ideology has made some girls to keep their virginity for the wrong reasons, which they tend to regret after marriage. (Check out this link). Keeping your virginity should be a decision you make for good reasons and not because you want to please people.

                                               VIRGINITY IS SEEN AS BEING HOLY

Holiness is keeping the commandments of God and walking in the ways of God. Keeping your body holy because it is the temple of the Holy Spirit is also very good and a step to holiness. But being a virgin doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is holy. Virginity is not God’s goal.

The goal of God is for one to truly love and keep his commandment. A person who is a virgin can still go to hell if he or she isn’t keeping the commandments of God and following the ways of Christ. So, virginity doesn’t mean holiness. Because God loves those who are not virgins too, because those who are not virgins goes to heaven too. Let’s take the case of Mary Magdalene in the bible, she was an adulteress but yet she was the first person to see the risen Christ. She wasn’t a virgin. If virginity is holiness what about those who lost theirs in unpleasant ways? Will they not make heaven as well because they are no longer virgins?

Keeping your virginity is good but that should be a decision you make between you and your God. Some people pledge purity not because they want to but because of what society or church wants them to.


Let’s learn to teach our children the right things about virginity and not instilling fear in them; by telling them they will go to hell if they lose their virginity. Teaching children sex education is very good because, it will make them know the implications of premarital sex and everything about sex. Virginity is not holiness and virginity should not be a criteria for marriage.

If anyone chooses to keep his/her virginity, it’s perfectly fine and if they still choose to lose it, it’s fine too.

NOTE: Nobody deserves to be black painted or down casted because they’re no longer virgins.

Thanks for reading!

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  1. Being a virgin is not actually a sign of holiness but, it’s one of the attributes of it, as they said, God answers a virgin’s prayer faster than a non-virgin(don’t really know how authentic it is but, that’s the theology being though in every religion)
    It’s good to be a virgin, if one can maintain it, not partial virgin oo, like claiming virgin but you have PhD in masturbation..

  2. Well said virginity is not a criteria for marriage most people abstain from sex because of gyno phobia or androphobia not actually because of holiness. In all either virgin or not lets try and keep the Lord’s commandment.

  3. Well said Ella. Virginity does not necessarily means holiness. And people shouldn’t be judged by their sexual status. Being a Virgin should be your personal choice and for your good. And those that are virgins should not be laughed at also. This is a controversial topic. And you’ve spoken well

  4. Indeed virginity isn’t Holiness.. Some people kept there’s because of the scaring things there parent told them, my grandmother said once a man sees or touch my pant, I will get pregnant and she will hand me over to the most ugly man in the village (by name Ide )not minding if he have other wives or not. Once I remember that, I retake my decision.


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