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THE 5 IMPORTANT STAGES BEFORE STARTING A RELATIONSHIP

By
Johellaa
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My past relationship has taught me that, there are stages I ought to have passed through before embarking on the relationship journey. That is why I will be sharing with you all the 5 important stages before starting a relationship.

STAGE ONE: THE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

The foundation of every relationship should be centered on the Supreme Being. For you to have a good and long lasting relationship, you will have to begin with having a strong relationship with God. Knowing him. Learning his ways and abiding by his law. Starting a relationship, you need to know who God is first; know about him through prayers and reading the scripture. Understanding how he works and communicates with you is very important because, it will help you in understanding who you are and who the person you are about dating or going into a relationship with is.

It is by knowing God through his scripture that you will know the meaning of love and how a perfect relationship should be. Knowing God will make you know love because he is love himself. He gave up his life just so that we can live even while we were still sinners. Is there any type of love that is more than the one he showed us on the Cross of Calvary? Absolutely No!

So, for you to have a long lasting relationship, you must first know God and know what he says about love and relationship, by first starting a relationship with him.

STAGE TWO: THE RELATIONSHIP WITH ONESELF

Most times we tend to be looking for the right person instead of being the right person. This ideology has damaged a lot of relationship and has damaged a lot of people’s lives as well. How? You may ask. It has damaged a lot of people’s lives because so many people has a specific person they want to be in a relationship with, “the perfect person”. With that expectation, you will find out that when they go into a relationship with someone that doesn’t have quarter of their characteristics, they tend to separate or get divorced; for people who are already married. Without changing their mindset, they keep on going into another relationship and failing, thereby damaging their lives with too many heart breaks.

Being in a relationship with oneself will help you know who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, what your love language is and how to treat yourself right. If you don’t know how to treat yourself right and if you don’t understand yourself, it will be very difficult for someone else to understand you. Seek to be the right person instead of looking for the right person. Because a certain quote says “you attract what you are”.

Which means, if you are the right person, you will definitely attract the right person to yourself. So I urge you to strive to be the right person, have all the qualities you want from your partner and see that you will not only have a good and perfect relationship of your dream but a long lasting one too.

STAGE THREE: THE RELATIONSHIP WITH FAMILY

Family is the first set of people you have had encounters with and these are the third people you should be in a relationship with. If you are able to be in a relationship with people you have known since childbirth, then you wouldn’t find understanding and learning your partner difficult. Because in every family, there are different characters and you definitely have to deal with them all.

Understanding your family members and being in a relationship with them, will go a long way in helping you to start a relationship that will last. How you treat your family members matters a lot. I have heard some of my friends disagree with the saying “The way they treat their family is the same way they will treat you too”. But this is obviously true.

You don’t expect someone who doesn’t speak to his/her mother in a year to suddenly change. The same way he/she hasn’t spoken to his or her mother in a year, is the same way he or she won’t speak to you for a year when you finally settle down with him or her. They might be calling you at the beginning of the relationship or when it’s still new and fresh but will that person change into not calling, yes! He or she will.

Understanding your family and being in a relationship with them, will help you go really far in your relationship with your partner.

STAGE FOUR: THE RELATIONSHIP WITH FRIENDS

Do you know people who from friends they became lovers and then got married? I know. It is said that “a marriage that began from friendship is usually the best marriage”. That is where “Marry your friend” phrase was coined out from.

This stage is self-explanatory. It is from your relationships with your friends that you will truly know if you can actually handle a real or intimate relationship.

Your friends are people you meet in your life journey and have been moving in the same train ever since with. They are those people with different characters that you have to learn to deal with; albeit not all. When you successfully have a good relationship with your friends (male and female friends), understand them, learn how to associate and tolerate them, then you can be sure that having a good relationship with your partner won’t be difficult anymore.

STAGE FIVE: THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER

This is the final stage before starting a relationship. When you have had a good relationship with God, Yourself, family, friends, you will discover that you have finally learnt a lot and can now be able to handle a relationship.

Because you know yourself, you wouldn’t place your hope and dreams on your partner. Because you know and understand yourself well enough, you will know how you are supposed to be treated.

Because you have being in a relationship with God and understand his ways and his own definition of love and relationship, you will be able to imitate him in your actions.

This is the stage where you can finally say ‘Yes, I have accepted to be in a perfect and long lasting relationship with you’ because I have successfully passed through all the stages and I have learnt a lot. So, yes I can now start a relationship with you.

CONCLUSION

These are the stages my past relationship  taught me to pass through before embarking on the relationship journey.

I hope the above 5 stages will help you in having a good and long lasting relationship.

I’m glad you read till the end and I want to say thank you and I want you to know that I wish you a perfect and long lasting relationship.

Let me know the stage or stages you related with and also if you have already passed through these stages and what the outcome is. If you will pass through this stages too, I would love to hear about them all in the comment section.

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3 keys to unlocking a successful relationship

By
Johellaa
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0

Having a healthy relationship will bring you peace of mind, happiness and long life. Just as little things can lead to a break up, so also can little things lead to a lasting relationship. It’s never too late to start loving better, once you know and accept that there is a problem then solution is assured. Healthy relationships aren’t born, they’re developed through attention and effort, that is why you need to know the 3 keys to unlocking a successful relationship.

The dictionary defined Relationship as the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected. For you to be in a relationship you need to be connected with the second party or your partner. There has to be a connection between the two of you.

Let’s leap into the 3 keys to unlocking a successful relationship.

 Key 1: Commitment

Commitment is the first key to a successful relationship. Once you have made up your mind to be with the one you love, you will be willing to go extra mile to make sure the relationship works because you have decided that you will be with this person both in fair-weather and when storm blow in, you will always stick with this person. It is when you are committed in a relationship that you will be willing to change your ways and make sacrifices for  your partner.

For any relationship to last, the two partners or lovers must decide and be willing to commit to each other. Commitment is very essential for a long lasting relationship. Commitment in a relationship means keeping the promises you made to your partner even when its difficult or you don’t feel like it. If you have made up your mind to commit to someone, to be there and show up in their life, you need to take that seriously.

Key 2: Knowing your partners love language

Love language is the way we show love, feel love, receive and interpret love. Firstly, knowing what your own love language is, is the starting point to a lasting relationship and then learning how your partner receives love will help you know the best way to demonstrate your love and care. There are five love languages developed by Dr. Gray Chapman, an author and counselor. According to him, “love language is one of the simplest ways to improve your relationship”. If you are wondering what your love language is, try taking Dr. Chapman’s 30-question quiz to see which love language is your dominant type. Click here to take the quiz

The five primary love languages

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

People who speak this love language loves being appreciated and spoken nice words to. They like their partner expressing affection through compliment, praise or appreciation. Sometimes the shortest and simplest praises can be the most effective. People who speak this primary love language loves to be sent text messages, love notes, kind words and words of encouragement.

“I love you”.

“Your dress looks really nice on you”.

“You are the most handsome man I know”.

Constantly reminding them how you love them and how beautiful or handsome they are, can make a world of difference if your partner has this, as their primary love language. Also having an open line of communication with them can go a long way in sustaining the relationship. When this is your partners love language, avoid hostile, insulting and hurtful comments, because it affects them badly.

  • QUALITY TIME

People with this love language loves undivided attention. They are mostly looking for quality over quantity. They feel loved if you are present and focused on them, giving them your whole attention. When your partner speaks this love language, avoid watching television, pressing your cellphone, tablets or laptop, avoid every distractions when you are with them, it not only breaks their heart but it makes them feel unloved.  Avoid canceling date, postponing time together as this can be very hurtful to them and can make them feel you don’t love them and you care more about other activities or things than you care for them.

Make sure you always spend time with them, give them your full attention especially when you are together (doesn’t mean your 24 hours though).

  • PHYSICAL TOUCH

The physical touch love language is more about intimacy. People that speaks this love language loves physically being with their partner and not emotional. They love their partner holding their hands, kissing them, cuddling them and massaging them. They tend to feel unloved without physical touch. When you are with them, ensure steady body contact.

  • ACTS OF SERVICE

If act of service is your partners primary love language, you must be willing to focus on specific actions like washing dishes, doing the laundry, cooking etc. Doing them out of positivity and not purely out of obligation will make them consider it as an expression of love. Willingly helping them out can go a long way in sustaining that love and making them feel loved.

  • RECEIVING GIFTS

The receiving gifts love language isn’t necessarily materialistic. It doesn’t matter if the gift is expensive or cheap, it’s the time and effort, the intention or motive behind those gifts matters a lot, and will make them feel loved. Gift-giving is symbolic of love and affection in their mind. Something as simple as picking up their favorite chocolate after a long work can make a huge impact. Remember, the gift mustn’t be expensive. And do not use hostile words when giving or presenting the gifts to them.

Key 3: Communication

Lack of communication in a relationship has resulted to many divorces and break ups because communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life without it, it dies. I haven’t seen any relationship that is successful without proper communication. Not a one-sided communication but communication that involves the two parties.

Communication is important in any relationship, as it allows you to effectively share feelings, opinions and expectations. At some point in every  relationship, each partner may perceive situations differently, which can create resentment and other hurt feelings. But with a healthy and strong communication existing in the relationship, each partner will be able to share opinions of same situation. Communicating and listening to your partner makes the relationship to last long and be strong.

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MY CORPORATE AGBERO 2

By
Johellaa
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0

When I woke up, I looked at the wall clock and it was 4am the next morning. I found myself indulging in an enjoyable recollection of the kiss we had yesterday morning and the thought alone brought some mischievous laughter to my mouth. I discovered I needed more of that kiss and was very sure, if it eventually happens again it wouldn’t end in just a kiss. I tried forcing myself to sleep again but I couldn’t. The thought of his exposed body and the shape of his manhood that was very obvious in the panties he wore wouldn’t let me sleep no more. I kept imagining how his manhood will taste, when it finally found its way to my puna. I kept imagining and didn’t realize I was moaning and touching myself until he coughed to make his presence known. I felt awkward again. I scurried and covered myself and avoided looking at him.

He didn’t say a word but instead made to leave the room but changed his mind and immediately jumped to the bed, held me and started kissing me deeply. I was sure we kissed for about twenty minutes before he started touching my breast and then went straight to my vagina; which was already very wet at that time. He was very gentle and slow with his touch and that made me moan. He kept on kissing, caressing my breast and flicking my clitoris at the same time until I came. I tried to touch his penis severally but he always found a way to pull my hands off him and continued with what he was doing. I wasn’t a sex person, which made me very surprise how I came with just romance and not penetration. When he noticed I was already okay and my moaning has drastically reduced because the romance was one sided, he stood up and left without saying a word to me. Even though I enjoyed every bit of the experience, I still felt embarrassed.

I stayed inside the room and made sure he wasn’t outside before I went into the kitchen to get something to eat and went back inside again. We didn’t see each other again until the next day, he came out and asked me to come over to his room. I quickly followed him. There was something about him that made me feel very comfortable. He asked me to seat next to him on his bed, I did that without hesitation. I made to kiss him, he was a bit reluctant at first but gradually allowed me to kiss him. We started kissing again and when I made to feel his manhood he held my hands and asked me to stop. I asked him ‘why?’ and he said “I cannot marry you, so I cannot have penetrative sex with you”. I was taken aback.

Am I not attractive enough? Was the question that unwilling left my mouth and made its way to his ears. And he told me he had been admiring and monitoring all my movement ever since he laid his eyes on me. But it happened that his other friend wanted me too. So they started having a clash because of me. And those hoodlums I had seen that day, wanted to kidnap me and take me to his friend that was why he brought me to his place. He never knew that I was a Christian until he heard me praying. So you won’t marry me because I’m a Christian? I asked him. Not just that you are a Christian, we are from a totally different tribe and religion and I wouldn’t want to raise my children in such a way. It isn’t healthy. And with my status now, that won’t make it any easier. I was deeply hurt but couldn’t say why. I just left his room and ran back to mine and closed the door. I cried out of shame, embarrassment and hurt. Until I slowly dozed off.

****************

When I woke up, he was sitting in the parlor and watching TV. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of red wine. I was still holding the bottle when he sneaked in and carried me to the parlor and kept me on his laps. I was already free with him and so I didn’t mind. He told me stories about himself and how he had grew up in the street. The way he talked and expressed himself will tell you that he was actually telling the truth. He looked at me and said “forget how I dress and package, I am a full Agbero boy (Agbero in his language means a goon) but a corporate one”. I looked at him and said ‘then you will be my corporate Agbero from today’. We laughed and continued sipping the wine from the same glass.

He made to kiss me but I shifted my face and put it on his shoulder. He asked why I was resisting him, I told him I can’t do that again since he wouldn’t penetrate me nor allow me to touch him. He held my face to look at him directly and said, “you can touch me any how you want to”. He kissed me very passionately and I reciprocated. We kissed and he started caressing my breasts again while I made for his penis. This time he didn’t resist, he just allowed me feel how hard and very full it was. Upon touching the tip or the opening of his penis, I discovered it was uncut. I had never seen nor had sex with an uncut guy before and so I didn’t know how to react. I kept on touching and massaging it with my right and left hand interchangeably. He started moaning very loud. When the moaning became unbearable, I put his penis into my mouth and started sucking it gently and very slowly. I  sucked him until he came into my mouth. He asked me to swallow it and I did. Immediately I swallowed it, he carried me to his room and laid me on his bed, removing my pant and pushing my legs wide open to expose my wet vagina. He kissed my vagina and then started kissing me on my lips and gradually started kissing my whole body before finally sucking my vagina and making me reach ecstasy. After which we slept off cuddling each other. We woke up in the midnight to continue another round; him sucking and romancing me and me doing the same to him too.

The next morning, he told me I can return to my house now. Because he had already made sure they won’t disturb nor harm me again. When I was ready to go, he looked at me, held me close to him, kissed me and said “please do not come to look for me, it will only make things very difficult for us”. As I was leaving his house that afternoon, waving at him, I was saying to myself ‘maybe it was good we didn’t have sex because we might have had sex and because he was uncut I wouldn’t enjoy it and then regret ever trying to have sex with an uncut man’. I was only giving myself reasons not to feel hurt or get angry.

****************

Few months later, I still found myself reminiscing the event from that very sunny morning. I still wish he will come  or I will bump into him but it hasn’t happened.

It’s three years now and I still remember every detail as though it was yesterday, his picture has permanently saved in my memory that I can’t delete it even if I want to. Such a principled man who has a great respect for his tribe and religion and who understands how important family is, hasn’t crossed my path since I met Lateef and maybe that was the reason I cannot forget him. I sometimes wished to know if he still thinks about me. So many times I had wanted to go to his place even though I don’t really remember the location but I decided to respect him and his decisions. I miss every moment we shared and wish it will happen again but maybe in our next life.

Thanks for reading till the end.

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MY CORPORATE AGBERO

By
Johellaa
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It was a very sunny morning, I decided to step outside leaving my comfort zone after listening to ‘Les Brown’ a motivational speaker whom my friend had recently introduced me to. Few minutes into strolling the street, I felt the fresh air take up my gown, penetrating through my entire body. I was still in awe as to how I didn’t think of wearing an underpants’ when a guy in his early thirties rushed towards me and drag me to a corner near an empty shop.

I was about asking “what the fuck is wrong with you?” when he quickly placed his soft pink lips on mine, which  melted my whole body. I came to realize that he was being chased by some hoodlums and he wanted me to be his escape route. When the hoodlums (four guys dressed in a very shabby cloth, with daggers and cutlasses in their hands, with their hair looking very dirty as though it hasn’t been washed for years) passed the corner.

My normal self would have quickly pushed him away and slapped him too but I found my lips still stocked up in-between his mouth. Our lips were already watery and you could tell by mere looking at our eyes that we wanted something more than just that kiss at that moment. He was the first to pull off from me, which made it really awkward.  After he pulled off from me, he stood there staring deeply into my eyes, it took me about ten seconds to fully open my eyes and actually looked at him.

When I finally looked back at him, I couldn’t utter a word nor summon the courage to ask why he did that. I just arranged my gown and left immediately. I was almost at the gate of my apartment when I heard footsteps from behind drawing closer to me. I had first noticed it immediately I left him but I never thought it was him trying to follow me up. When I turned, I saw him standing at my back. He looked at me and said “you cannot sleep at your place today, they will come for you”. He didn’t even allow me to finish the question of “Who are you? Who are they? Why can’t I sleep in my own apartment today?” all in one breath question before he carried me up, placed me on his left shoulder and started walking towards a car that was parked five minutes away from my gate.

***************

Lateef is a very tall and handsome guy. With his skin as dark as charcoal but as shiny as the sun and as smooth as a new born baby. His eyes are very sexy, with a full eyebrow that can make you keep staring at him when he is talking and looking at you in the face. He just knows how to move his eyes to always bring out the sexiness in them. He has a great sense of dressing and wears a romantic cologne. He looks very taciturn but when he speaks, you will know that he grew up in the street. He has this innocent face that always makes people believe him even without defending himself.

When we got to the car, he opened the back door, pushed me inside and slammed the door. He drove for about an hour plus before getting to his place. I had already slept and woke up twice while he kept driving and staring at me through the front mirror. When we got to his place, he asked me to come down and follow him, but I refused. I waited in the car for him to open the door but he went straight and gave his gatekeeper an instruction not to allow me go out and not to allow anyone in. If anyone asked after him, he should tell the person that he has gone on one of his trips and won’t be back any time soon.

Three hours later, I was still inside the car. My phone had already gone off after listening to those motivational words, I had wanted to charge it when I got back from my strolling. I stayed in the car for a very long time and when my stomach started singing in agony, I came down and entered his apartment. It was a beautiful house, well decorated with a great scent gushing out every minute from a small machine that was hanging on his wall. I looked around the beautiful house and was amazed at how good and tidy a man’s house could be. All my boyfriends and male friends’ house aren’t as tidy as this one. I stood there looking around and waiting to see if he will come out because I made sure he heard my footsteps when I entered. But he didn’t come out.

When I waited for more five minutes and he wasn’t coming forth, I walked myself through his kitchen which was already open, went straight to his refrigerator and served myself. His refrigerator was well stocked.  After I had finished eating, he came out wearing only panties and leaving the rest of his body exposed. When I saw him, I was very sure he heard me swallowing saliva very loudly. That was the first time I had looked at him and observed him.

He told me that I can try and feel at home because I won’t be leaving till after three days when the tension is much calmer. He showed me a room and asked me to feel free to wear anything I liked and if I needed anything else, I should let him know. That was the last time we saw each other that day. I was already exhausted and still in shock to do anything else but bath and change into a beautiful free gown I saw in the wardrobe. Everything in that wardrobe was new.

My Corporate Agbero 2

What happened to Facebook, Whatsapp and Instagram last night and now

By
Johellaa
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0

I didn’t wish for the owner of Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram to lose about 6 billion dollars and 5% dropped from their stock just for the six hours that the services were down. But, it was a wish come through for me last night. For I have always been wishing to experience what the world will be like without social media in this present age where social media is everything. Like, everything. Even though some platforms like Telegram, tik tok, Twitter etc. were still available but we all know that when we call or talk about social media Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram takes the lead.

Last night, most of my friends resulted to face to face conversation. Phones were willing kept away without me screaming and getting really angry at them. It was quite funny but thanks to whatever happened to the platforms.
But what really happened to Facebook. WhatsApp. Instagram?
It was really a shock to everyone. Like no one really expected what happened. It wasn’t just a particular place, it was worldwide. I wondered what other countries that had the highest rate of addiction did last night.
It was said that these platforms were hacked and the domain name was on sale last night and the hackers were demanding for a huge ransom. Interesting!!


If truly it was hackers, well menh! The hackers are really smart to have hacked such highly secured platforms. (I’m not in support of their actions).
But with the owner not saying the reason why their services was shutdown for six hours, we don’t know the real reason and we will regard the news about hacking the platforms as misinformation or fake news just to get attention or traffic.

I learnt something last night as well and that is “never depend or rely on something that isn’t yours”. To go spiritual it will be “Never rely on anything that isn’t God”.

The owner Mark Zuckerberg has finally commented

“Facebook, Instagram. Whatsapp and Messenger are coming back online now. Sorry for the disruption today – I know how much you rely on our services to stay connected with the people you care about”, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said
The platforms are gradually coming online and we are gradually going back to our normal lives again. My friends have picked up their phones to gist about what happened last night and they probably won’t talk to me again till maybe when something like last night happens again.
For me I learnt something last night, I don’t know if you did learnt anything as well or you just experienced the shutdown and talked with the others about it. Everything that happens to you or around you should be a medium for you to learn.
If you don’t mind, I would love to hear your own experience last night.
How did you manage without social media last night or without Facebook. WhatsApp and Instagram?
Leave me a comment below and I will sure reply you.
Thanks for reading!!

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