Breadcrumbing: Definition, Signs and How To Deal

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23 June 2022

What Is Bread crumbing?

Breadcrumbing is simply “leading someone on” and “keeping someone’s hopes up” through little and superficial acts of attention, seduction, and flirtation, but ultimately disappointing the individual with false expectations, empty promises, and abandonment.

Bread crumbing in Relationships

Although the term “breadcrumbing” is most commonly associated with dating, it can also be applied to long-term relationships and even marriages, albeit the meaning is slightly different. The premise is the same — it’s all about doing whatever it takes to make someone pleased.

The breadcrumbs, however, are made up of modest tokens of care or attention that keep the partner feeling that the relationship is still worth pursuing. The breadcrumber may then go all out and become passionate and emotionally available for a brief time if they feel the need to reinforce the link in their partner’s mind.

This is especially true if the partner expresses dissatisfaction with the current situation. The breadcrumber raises their game just long enough to persuade their partner that their relationship will improve. When the partner appears satisfied, the breadcrumbs begin to fall again.

This is a common method used by narcissists who give their victims the proverbial bone of ‘love’ and affection every now and then in between bouts of abuse and manipulation. This perplexes the victim sufficiently that they return despite the terrible treatment they receive at their hands.

Other Signs of Breadcrumbing to watch out for

If you’re still confused about what bread crumbing is or suspect you’re being led on, here are some obvious indicators you’re being led on.

1. Unclear Messages

They’re usually evasive and avoid committing to anything. They discuss meeting up soon but don’t make any firm or specific plans to put that in place. Somehow, they effortlessly and constantly manage to say things in a way that inspires hope without actually committing to anything.

Does that ring a bell already? We should meet up sometime, when will you be in town? And somehow, even when you’re in town, he or she never goes ahead to make plans to see you till you leave. Yes, dear, that is a strong indication of bread crumbling.

2. Your communication is lacking in substance

You may have some in-depth discussions with them on occasion, but most times the messages are usually brief and basic. They don’t try to get to know you. And when you make the effort to, they reply in monotones and leave you stressed out and frustrated.

3. They alternate between hot and cold

They don’t message you regularly. You may be in contact with them frequently for a few days, and have fun on some nights. You may text late into the night and then the next day, you are left on read and then it might take a whole week or even more before they reply.

They also have this incredible ability to buzz in and message you just as you’ve begun to forget about them and move on, and in a matter of seconds, you are back to where you started.

4. It’s all about sex for them

This is another sign of bread crumbing, when all the partner desires are to get physical, you can be sure that you are being bread crumbed in that relationship.

Also Check Out: Top 8 Secrets Of Moving On After a Broken Relationship

How to Deal With Breadcrumbing

1. Accept it for what it is

Accepting reality and living with it is always an option. If the little crumbs, which could be sex and intimacy and those infrequent moments of attention are enough for you, then, by all means, stay.

2. Saying Goodbye

If however you want more and feel that you deserve more, then you leave the relationship especially if the person does not want to make amends.

This might be difficult to do but you, at this moment need to put yourself first and realize that your happiness will always be weighed by those acts of breadcrumbing if you stay. Breadcrumbing causes a lot of pain, frustration, distress, so if you continue allowing such thing in your life, you will always end up being the aforementioned. So, for your peace of mind and happiness, you should learn to say goodbye.

3. Confrontation

Speaking up is also one way to make the partner realize that you are aware of what they are doing. However, confrontations must be followed by sincere actions of reconciliation and doing better else the bread crumbing is bound to continue. Breadcrumbing may not happen intentionally. Some people do it without knowing they are actually doing it, that is why confrontation is really necessary. So that even if they aren’t aware, they would be

Final Thought

Breadcrumbing doesn’t just cause people pain, it also blocks potential and ready to commit partners from actually coming into their lives and it also stops them from going with people who actually knows what they want.

Habits: 5 Best Ways To Break a Bad One

By

Johellaa

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22 June 2022

0

There is nothing wrong with having habits, however, some of them can be quite harmful or uncomfortable and you might be seeking to change them. You might have even started but somehow, you find yourself slipping back.

I hope this helps you to break free from the habits you’re struggling with.

1. Discover your Trigger

Keep in mind that identifying triggers is the first step toward creating a habit. And so, the first step toward breaking free from your habitual behaviours is also to identify the triggers that cause them.

Track your behaviour for a few days to see if any trends emerge.

What is this habit?
When does it usually happen?
Is there anyone else in the picture?
Is it immediately following another event?

Let’s say you want to stop your habitual intake of coffee every morning before going to work.

This is how the questions will help:

The Habit: Habitual Intake of coffee.

When it usually happens: On your way to work, at the coffee shop near your workplace.

Is there anyone else in the picture? : Yes, your colleagues who live next door, you go with them to the shop and each time, they get a cup of coffee, you feel obliged to get one too.

Is this following an event? : Yes, the event of meeting your work colleagues.

2. Concentrate on the reasons you desire to make a change

Why are you trying to break or change a particular habit?

Consider why you wish to stop the habit and any benefits you perceive as a result of the change for a few moments. Breaking a habit will be easier if there are specific benefits you hope to reap from quitting the habit. Make those reasons into a written list to see if you can come up with a few more that haven’t occurred to you yet.

To boost your motivation, write out your reasons on a piece of paper and post it on your bathroom mirror, working table, wardrobe or somewhere else you’ll see it frequently.

Seeing the list frequently will definitely help you remember the adjustment you want to make.

3. Replace a new habit for the old

This is something they don’t tell you enough. It is like a cheat card you can use. Instead of struggling to stop the undesired activity, you could find it easier to break the habit if you replace it with new behaviour.

So, to our incessant coffee drinking problem, instead of buying coffee, go for a fruit juice or some healthier drink.

The desire to follow the new habit grows as you replicate the new behaviour. After seeing the benefits of the new habit — increased energy and less caffeine intake— the motivation to continue doing this activity may eventually outweigh the desire to pursue the old habit. But first, for now, look for an alternative.

Also Check Out: THE 3 BEST STAGES OF SELF AWARENESS

4. Ask for help from a friend

A friend who is willing to help you on your journey never goes wrong. If you and a friend or partner both desire to change a bad habit, all the better, make an effort to do so together. It’s difficult to deal with cravings on your own. When confronted with them, though, they may be easier to deal with when you have someone to battle them with.

They can motivate you when you’re feeling down and gently remind you of your objective if they sense you’re drifting away from it.

The catch is to get a friend who will not pose a temptation to you. In our coffee scenario, asking the colleague you go to get coffee to help might not be the best thing unless they are also ready to quit that habit. The cup of coffee in their hand will pose a serious temptation to you otherwise and you will find it difficult to concentrate on your journey.

5. Expect to be uncomfortable

Whatever your objective is, better nutrition, increased physical fitness, or another lifestyle change, preparing yourself to feel uncomfortable is one of the most effective strategies to break undesirable habits. It will definitely happen, your body will fight the new change you are making. But, you will find that with these tips, you will be able to work around that.

Conclusion

If you want to know more about habits and how to break or change a bad habit, I will be glad to introduce you to a good book I read about habits. It’s called Atomic Habit by James Clear. You can also read more on how to break a bad habit from his website. Click here to read. Make sure you don’t just read alone but put everything into practice and your future will be very proud you did.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo!

9 To 5 Job: 5 Best Things To Consider Before Quitting

By

Johellaa

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21 June 2022

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Are you a 9 to 5 Job employee? And you are thinking of quitting? Well you are not in this alone.

Not everybody wants to leave their 9 to 5 job, some people love the feeling that they can always tender their resignation letter any day and leave without being tied down by ownership. Some others hate the hustle and bustle of running a firm, company or any business organization at all. Now if you are one of those, please skip this post or rather recommend them to a friend who needs them because this article is only for those who desire a “no boss” source of livelihood.

It’s time to start making the move when you’ve made a plan to leave your current job and start your new one. And not before. This is something to keep in mind before you tender that resignation letter.

You can either leave your current career and start your new venture immediately, or you can start it as a side job while continuing to work in your current position.

But the most important part of leaving your 9-5 is to make a plan. A plan that will actually work and hold out in the long run.

Leaving Your 9 to 5 Job: What Next?

1. Make a Schedule

Making the transition from a full-time employee to a full-time freelancer is a significant step. Set a timeframe for when you plan to make the shift to make it more concrete. When things get tough, this might help you stay accountable and inspired.

Setting a specific date will allow you to inform your supervisor of your future plans. This will help you keep in mind that you are working with a time limit and will motivate you the more.

2. Make a goal for yourself

Everyone has their motivations for quitting their work and going on the journey of self or solopreneurship. Figure out the big goal you want to attain in that time frame once you’ve made a schedule for when you’ll be leaving your employment.

Remember to make sure that the goal is specific and attainable. Write down the goal and the time you hope to achieve it, don’t tuck it away in your drawer, frame it rather and keep it on your working desk where you can glance at it from time to time.

Also Check Out: Balancing work and life

3. Set a plan

After you’ve determined what your goal is and how long you believe it will take to attain it, the following step is to plan out the steps you’ll take to get there. What you desire to undertake should be researched. Before you begin, you must be certain about the field you wish to pursue.

If your goal is to make more money, using your previous work experience is the fastest way to get there. Many people use their professional skills to help them move to solopreneurship more smoothly while others may use their passion. There’s no manual hewed in stone, just do what you do best.

4. Begin by doing it as a side job

Most people begin their solopreneurship journey by doing it part-time while still working full-time. This reduces the chance of failing. This allows you to try your hand at hustling and landing clients without committing completely.

You can test whether you can do this full-time by freelancing or working on your solo career during your free time.

However, this is not the perfect realistic reflection of reality. The question is: Are you really going to give it your all to be successful with freelancing if you have the security of a guaranteed salary from your employment to fall back on? Procrastinating and putting it off to a supposedly better time can suffocate your motivation before it even begins.

5 Obtain a sufficient number of consumers ahead of time

How many gigs or projects do you need to feel comfortable quitting? Do you know?

You’ve set aside enough money for downtime, so now you need to consider whether the clients you have will allow you to cover your monthly expenses. Make a strategy for gaining new clients as you go. Being a solopreneur entails being a hustler as well. Just because you have steady gigs or sell your products or services this month doesn’t imply things would look the same next month.

Some days would not be all rosy, so it is important to have a plan in place when a customer reduces your work or ends the contract.

7 Best Lessons to Learn Before The Big 30

By

Johellaa

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16 June 2022

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Lessons to learn before the big age 30, are very essentials. You might ask, what lessons do I need to learn before the big 30? I’m guessing you are still in your 20s now right.

Getting older is a difficult change to accept, also is the life lessons that come our way. Sometimes, experiencing those lessons might come with some painful events and problems. This article will ease this and guide you through some things you should learn before the big 30.

1. Make Your Health a Priority in Every Decision

In life, people often make decisions without considering the impact on their health. And it is true that certain decisions would put one’s health at jeopardy and guess what, we all know this. However, though this is known by everybody, (we all know the rhyme, Health is Wealth), it may require lessons to fully comprehend it and some of those lessons come at great costs.

Before turning 30, one should have realized that excellent health is a long-term investment. Check out this post on health.

2. Gain after Pain is not guaranteed

Working hard does not always guarantee financial success and the life of your dreams. It all boils down to having the correct platform and opportunity to make money.

When there is a suitable platform, hard work pays off. Most times, it is smart work that will pay off not necessarily hard work.

It is important to remember this, you might be giving your best to the wrong hustle and grind.

3. Loving Comes with Vulnerability

If you must love, love with all your heart. There is no purpose in loving if there is no trust. Love that isn’t based on trust will hurt you severely. To love is to be vulnerable, irresistible, and helpless in the presence of another. That is the way it is, if you will open your heart to love, you must be ready to love all that it comes with.

4. Violence: Never the Answer

Violence has never been said to have solved a problem: There has never been a period in history when violence was said to have solved a problem.

The saying that men go to war for peace never stands. War only gives rise to more war, prisoners, but never peace.

Violence only serves to generate additional leaks in the system, resulting in greater difficulties.

The introduction of peace and conflict resolution techniques was motivated by the impact of violence. The sooner people understand the long-term consequences of violence, the better for everyone.

It takes a lot of energy and resources to unleash violence. Such vitality should be focused towards productive endeavors. It would never be profitable to engage in violence.

5. Have a Backup Plan

Failing to plan is a surefire way to fail. Another popular saying, we grew up hearing, we must learn to plan for the future.

However, our teachers left something out and here’s an addition to that saying: Always have a Plan B.

Having a contingency plan is part of planning for the future. A backup plan that can be activated if necessary, such as in an emergency or if the first plan fails.

Before turning 30, one should have learned the importance and act of planning, as well as the openness to the possibility that a well-prepared plan will turn out to be a flop. You will feel at ease after you have grasped this principle.

6. Resist societal pressure intentionally

Aging is a difficult thing to accept. The fact that you are getting older or that you are no longer as young as you used to be elicits a range of emotions, including pride, uncertainty or even regret about things that could have been done differently.

Life isn’t supposed to be taken too seriously, it shouldn’t be and you shouldn’t. Avoid being emotionally invested in a succession of life events. The pressures of society are real; fight them.

Keep an open mind and do your best. To reject cultural pressure, you must do so.

7. Information is Strength and Opportunity

Information is both a strength and an opportunity. Information is a sector in which to invest. Every single person on the planet has to be educated. Most of the time, investing in information is not a conscious decision. It requires time, money, patience, and other resources.

Persons who go above and beyond to gather high-quality information will always have the upper hand, any day.

Final Thoughts

That you are above age 30, doesn’t mean you cannot practice or learn these lessons if you haven’t started already. These lessons are for everyone but most especially those in their late 20s or early 20s who are still trying to figure out life.

You can add your own lessons too. No man is a island.

How To Cater For The Children After a Divorce

By

Johellaa

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9 June 2022

0

The fact remains that no matter how old or how young the children are when a divorce occur in a family, they are grossly affected. The development of children are most time triggered by the activities of their parents and how well the family is in accord.

Now to a family that just shattered, the children may experience a lot of things such as withdrawnness, losing of concentration in school and at home, development of fear, dullness and so on. Simply going through the process can result in a variety of changes, ranging from quieter meals to an empty house or even a new home. If you have kids, your co-parenting schedule may require you to go days without seeing them for the first time.

As you begin to adjust to the altered shape of your life, you might experience a complex blend of thoughts and feelings ranging from betrayal and loss to anger, or even relief.

To put it simply, divorce can throw your life into upheaval. As you begin to reestablish yourself, it can help to keep in mind that divorce doesn’t mean your life has ended. Rather, it heralds a fresh start. Taking care of your mental and physical needs is critical to successfully navigating the post-divorce phase.

This post is solely written to address how to cater for the children after divorce.

1. Practice acceptance

People rarely marry with the expectation of eventually divorcing. Despite the fact that divorce is common, you may be confident that your marriage will last. As a result, the divorce of your marriage may come as a surprise.

It’s natural to have regrets, wish things had gone differently, and question whether there was anything you could have done to prevent it. You may also experience some perplexity, even denial, and find it difficult to accept the divorce.

Regardless of these (totally understandable) emotions, the truth remains that the marriage is over. While some ex-partners do remarry, divorce is usually the end of the relationship. Holding on to the past or the future you imagined too firmly might obstruct your recovery and make it tough to move forward.

As a result, when you catch your thoughts straying down the route of:

“If only I’d…”

“However, we worked so well together.”

“How could they throw it all away?” says the narrator.

Instead, try reminding yourself of the following:

“The divorce took place, and there’s nothing that can be done about it.”

“Life may not turn out the way I had hoped, but I can still be pleased and at peace.”

Acceptance rarely happens overnight, so don’t be discouraged if you need some time. The most important thing is to be nice to yourself as you come to terms with your loss.

2. Carry the children along

One mistake those who just divorced make is trying to hide the situation from their children thinking they are still young. It’s quite important to care so much about the children’s emotion and mental state but trying to keep the situation from them will cause a future problem. The earlier the children knows what is happening, the earlier they get adapted to the new situations.

Communicate to them in their best way and let them know what is happening.

3. Don’t transfer aggression to them

Initially, the children are passing through a lot, you shouldn’t add to the situation by transferring aggression to them. This will make them withdrawn and silent which will result to a disastrous decision.

Also Check Out: Marriage: 5 Important Issues to Discuss Before I Do

4. Give room for co-parenting

Due to the anger you may have towards your ex, don’t make the mistake of rejecting any help rendered towards the children by your ex. You may think you can do it alone but you can’t.

Conclusion

Deciding to divorce your partner especially knowing what a destabilizing effect it will have on your children is probably the most difficult choice you’ve ever considered. No doubt you spent many months deliberating, trying to come up with an alternative solution.

During that time, you likely fought for your marriage and your family with everything you had but since it didn’t work out, you will have to move on and take care of your children.